Saturday, July 12, 2008

When Animals Attack

Yesterday, at approximately 9:15a, my car was attacked by a deer missile! I had just dropped the kids off at a day camp, and I was headed back to our house when a deer dropped out of the sky and rammed into the side of my car. Apparently, a mid-sized Bambi was grazing in someone's yard above the street and was spooked by a passing dog.

Ashland's tourist season is in full swing, so naturally my accident became a memorable moment for some poor Shakespeare-loving fool. No doubt this was the first time many of them had seen a deer - and now they know the dangers of the wild! Deer are not our friends, they are killers wrapped in a cute and seemingly docile fur coat. Case in point, check out the pics from my fellow victims. My eyes have been opened to the real dangers of deer crime, "There are more than 1.5 million crashes involving deer each year which cause over one billion in damage, 150 of the deer collisions are fatal, and there are more than 10,000 people injured."

Yes, Bambi survived... and I'm fine too, until the insurance bill arrives.

What misdeeds have I wrought against the animal kingdom that warranted such an act? Sure, I've killed a few ant colonies and wasp nests in my time but I've been a friend to all mammals thus far. Perhaps human science and invention can provide a solution. Deer-fearing folk from across the nation have created "Made in the U.S.A" solutions to the age-old problem of deer/auto attacks.
  • From Maxsa Innovations comes the "Deer Alert", available in standard and deluxe configurations. "Deer Alert's unique 'transonic pulse' emits both audible and ultrasonic sound to alert a wide range of animals. The sonic tones alert all animals and the ultrasonic tones alert smaller animals such as pets." Imagine the animal madness that would proceed your arrival on the street!

  • Not so fast... There are competitive products on the market. The makers of the Hornet Deer Whistle have a slogan, "When You Hit A Deer, You Will Lose" Apparently, "Deer are responsible for more death and injury than any other animal in the U.S.A." You simply mount this under the hood and connect it to your battery. Uh, no comments on product design. Let's keep it clean for the children out there.

  • For those eco-minded, deer-fearing folk you can buy a hood-mounted, wind-powered solution from the eCommerce powerhouse known as, "your wildlife control specialist." These simple units employ the power of wind to warn wildlife up to 2,000 feet ahead that, "Man is coming, get out of the way!" One caveat, many have expressed concern on the internet that these get clogged with bugs and stop working.

Regardless of your stance on mammals, I urge you to seriously consider the threat of deer/auto accidents and arm yourselves accordingly. Terror from the skies can strike at any time!


bluelikethesky said...

At least it wasn't a moose.

(BTW, love the blog)

Kelly Hudgins

Thaddeus1684 said...

This makes me think of the deer in Without a paddle that gives the campers a bad look by the river.