Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Denali Death... Die! Die!

This is a photo of my car. At the Raedeke household we have several names for it. The kids call it "Car-eee" (don't ask). I call it the mid-life crisis mobile, but it is also known as "Black Beauty" on craigslist. We bought this car shortly after my daughter was born for the following reasons:

  1. I had just recently sold my tiny bright blue VW Beetle which provided several same-sex proposals at stop lights. I've never been hit on so many times in my life - male or female - could be that I was also a bespectacled elementary school librarian at the time. All the signs were there... regardless, I needed a new car.

  2. I wanted a Ford Supercrew pickup, and Christy wasn't buying my crew cab logic. So a large SUV seemed like a good compromise so that we could stay married.

  3. It was large enough for family outings, skiing, surfing, mountain climbing, vert skateboarding, parkour, motocross, and all those other extreme sports in which I partake on a regular basis.

  4. It was black, shiny, and had pimpin' dubs on it! It represented a lifestyle away from dirty diapers, mid-life flab, and the oncoming responsibility of life as a father. It was the kind of car that the bros from "Entourage" would use to carouse.
Many years later this rolling hunk of junk continues to vex me. It's like a constant reminder of consumer foolishness. Today I cleaned and re-oiled the K&N filter, removed the carbon build-up from the throttle body and repaired the broken power window on the driver side. My reward for all this? A dead battery! I can't tell you how many problems we've had with this rig. Before leasing the Beetle, I had not purchased nor driven a car built after 1980. After spending the day trying to fix this piece of shite I have vowed to return that practice! Scooby, though art perfect in every way.

If you'd like to buy a 1999 GMC Denali, I am starting the bidding at fitty cent. Go Shawty... it's your Birthday...